I remember walking down a street in Portugal with an American colleague and a recent Portuguese acquaintance. As was our habit, my companion and I greeted nearly everyone we passed. Finally, our acquaintance pointed out that no one was answering us and he thought we were being sort of odd. I don’t remember my reply, but I remember him saying that when he greets someone, they greet him back, because he greets people that he knows.

Javier:
I can only talk from my own experience. My very first days here were living within a spies movie. People did not look at you straight into the eyes but… sideways. I talked to myself “something must be going on here”. Later, I thought that I had to learn a new social etiquette. I noticed - like Clint - that people do not smile to each other or even look at each other, for instance, in the bus. But as soon as they know you and you get - let’s say - part of the landscape, you can sense some friendliness and confidence (although most of the time is not expressed with smiles).

However, the finn’s sense of trust is quite developed. Very often they really mean what they say, for instance, when they offer themselves for help once the ice is broken. And they remember everything what they have said (it’s like smalltalk does not exist for them) and even better, what YOU have said…..

Once you get used to the unwritten rules, it’s not a problem.

About being nice and say hello to strangers. I have to say that where I live in Spain, Madrid, people can be very mean and impolite (”Madrid kills me” we often to say) and may treat you as if you owe them a favour.

Sabine:
I have never been to Finland, nor met anyone from Finland, so I would not be able to guess their social behaviors. However, I can share my first reaction to the smiles, hellos, offers of help and friendship when I first came to the United States (Iowa 15 years ago): disappointment. Everyone was so friendly, and yet no one ever answered their phone when I’d call the number a day after they gave it to me, no one had time to help as they had offered. I reasoned that the concept of friendship was quite superficial to what I was used to in France.
People do not smile to each other in French streets. In France, people might offer help but not friendship. Friendship is not something to be offered. It is understood as simply developing from an acquaintance relationship. It also entails certain responsibilities from both parties. So some relationships might not develop into friendship because of individual preferences to avoid those responsibilities toward each other.
So my first months in America were spent figuring out the different layers of “acquaintances.” When I discussed my first reactions with other foreign students on campus, they seemed to share the same confusion about these “American social norms.” The most accepted explanation among these foreign students were that the American culture had developed so quickly based on its immigrant-always-on-the-move history, that their social norm was to make quick acquaintances to create a pool of relations for “survival” (or nowadays, for networking). As the years passed, I’ve also realized that campus life and off-campus America are quite different.
However, 15 years later, I have to admit that nothing has much changed. Now maybe it is because I am in a region of the States reputed for superficiality (southern California’s Orange County)…I am trying hard not to sound cynical, here. I have eventually developed some wonderful friendships in the Midwest, still surviving my cross-country relocation today. However, I certainly feel like I do not belong here, as much as I do not belong anymore in France (15 years will apparently do that to you).
And yes, I’ve been “americanized” enough to not hesitate to stop people in the streets anywhere in the world (France, Bosnia, Croatia, Spain, or US) for a question or a comment (usually to the astonishment of my very French parents). But I still do not smile that easily to strangers on or off-campus.

Anyway, she had one explanation for the differences between, e.g., American and Finnish people in this kind of situations. She argued that meeting unknown people is always seen as a potential threat, but in different cultures they have different ways to deal with this threat: American people pretend that they actually know you - and Finnish people pretend that you do not exist.

I’d have a question for you: in your opinion, how well do Finns know the art Networking (face to face? Have you made any personal experiences regarding it?

Thanks and greetings from Helsinki,

Anne.

In general though, I think the world loves the Finnish way, or feels safe with it at least, — modest yet hard working. Curious, can be creative, and not full of an ego.

I’m of Finnish and German decent living in Northern Minnesota. Most comments I’ve seen regarding how the Finnish people are (like quite and reserved, standoffish, cold etc.) remind me of my Finnish relatives. I moved to Wyoming recently, and asked about a sauna and I had to explain to people out here what one was. All the health clubs in my area in MN had saunas, and so did all of my relatives houses. Heck, even all of the summer camps I went to had a sauna house.

And I busted up laughing at Fia’s comment…since I’ve often thought the same thing when I moved to other parts of the US…”Why are these people smiling at me? I don’t know them. What do they want from me?” “Why are they standing so close?” “Why are they so loud?” “Why are they touching me when they talk to me?” I’ve had lot’s of what I thought were ‘creepy stranger moments’, but realized it was just a difference in how I grew up and what the social norms in my area of the country were compared to others.