Finnish Etiquette in Public Situations - What does it mean?
As a part of the IMPDET Cross-Cultural Research Group, we have started a “Reflection Wiki” that allows us to post situations in cross-cultural interactions that we wish we had more perspective on - to check if our initial interpretations of the situation were accurate or misleading.
The hypothesis behind it is this: In most interactions we probably make too many assumptions about the meaning behind what people say or do. Cross-cultural interactions magnify this. So the hypothesis is that perhaps more meta-communication tools can help us learn more about what others really mean, and also more about ourselves.
I wanted to cross-post one of my first entries here, in case anyone else reading it (especially anyone from Finland) might have some insight into the phenomenon I describe.
- Situation:
In Finland I notice how no one really smiles at each other in public places. On the street, on the bus, in the halls of the University - quite often people don’t even make eye contact, much less smile at me or say hi. My Finnish friends are extremely welcoming, kind, hospitable and friendly, but it is just strangers and new acquaintances that are more stand-offish than I am used to. - Expectations:
I didn’t even realize I had this expectation, but I guess from growing up in the US I did have the expectation that if people are nice and friendly then they smile and say hi, even to strangers. (My subliminal expectation: nice + friendly = smile at others, or at least acknowledge their presence with a nod or something) - Interpretation:
My gut level interpretation and emotional reaction is that, in general, people are not as friendly, nice, happy, etc… with strangers here, and that they are less interested (at least initially) in becoming friends with me or letting me get to know them. But cognitively I tell myself that might be more of my emotional reaction, when I don’t really know what is going on in their minds, or what the meaning is behind the unwritten rules of public conduct. - Response:
I talk less to strangers than I otherwise would. - Questions:
To anyone else who has been to Finland – Did you feel the same when you first spent time in Finland, or is it more like what you are used to in South Africa, Sweeden, Spain, etc.?
How did you see it? How did you respond?
To anyone from Finland – From the Finnish point of view, what do you think might be the deeper meaning/reasons why behavior is like this in public in Finland? What might I be missing in my gut-level interpretation from my cultural expectations?
To anyone – Any other insightful thoughts (or funny comments)?
The US definitely has its own set of circumstances in which social interaction is frowned upon. You’re expected to stay silent and avoid eye contact in a restroom. The rules are pretty much the same in an elevator. I take the bus to and from the University each day, and there’s an odd mix of philosophies. Most people also adhere to the norm of silent non-interaction. However, a handful greet you and strike up conversation.
I remember walking down a street in Portugal with an American colleague and a recent Portuguese acquaintance. As was our habit, my companion and I greeted nearly everyone we passed. Finally, our acquaintance pointed out that no one was answering us and he thought we were being sort of odd. I don’t remember my reply, but I remember him saying that when he greets someone, they greet him back, because he greets people that he knows.
Those are good points. I might have made it sound too much like every stranger in the US smiles and talks to you and wants to be your BFF. But really, there is appropriate distance and expectations of silence in many circumstances. I had a friend who once did his own “social experiments” in elevators (e.g. standing right next to people instead of on the other side of the elevator, telling people they had nice socks, etc…) - it was pretty funny to listen to him talk about it. I guess talking to other men in the bathroom is usually awkward as well, huh?
I really enjoyed these two comments: one from Javier (living in Finland as well, originally from Spain), and one from Sabine (living in the US, originally from France).
Javier:
I can only talk from my own experience. My very first days here were living within a spies movie. People did not look at you straight into the eyes but… sideways. I talked to myself “something must be going on here”. Later, I thought that I had to learn a new social etiquette. I noticed - like Clint - that people do not smile to each other or even look at each other, for instance, in the bus. But as soon as they know you and you get - let’s say - part of the landscape, you can sense some friendliness and confidence (although most of the time is not expressed with smiles).
However, the finn’s sense of trust is quite developed. Very often they really mean what they say, for instance, when they offer themselves for help once the ice is broken. And they remember everything what they have said (it’s like smalltalk does not exist for them) and even better, what YOU have said…..
Once you get used to the unwritten rules, it’s not a problem.
About being nice and say hello to strangers. I have to say that where I live in Spain, Madrid, people can be very mean and impolite (”Madrid kills me” we often to say) and may treat you as if you owe them a favour.
Sabine:
I have never been to Finland, nor met anyone from Finland, so I would not be able to guess their social behaviors. However, I can share my first reaction to the smiles, hellos, offers of help and friendship when I first came to the United States (Iowa 15 years ago): disappointment. Everyone was so friendly, and yet no one ever answered their phone when I’d call the number a day after they gave it to me, no one had time to help as they had offered. I reasoned that the concept of friendship was quite superficial to what I was used to in France.
People do not smile to each other in French streets. In France, people might offer help but not friendship. Friendship is not something to be offered. It is understood as simply developing from an acquaintance relationship. It also entails certain responsibilities from both parties. So some relationships might not develop into friendship because of individual preferences to avoid those responsibilities toward each other.
So my first months in America were spent figuring out the different layers of “acquaintances.” When I discussed my first reactions with other foreign students on campus, they seemed to share the same confusion about these “American social norms.” The most accepted explanation among these foreign students were that the American culture had developed so quickly based on its immigrant-always-on-the-move history, that their social norm was to make quick acquaintances to create a pool of relations for “survival” (or nowadays, for networking). As the years passed, I’ve also realized that campus life and off-campus America are quite different.
However, 15 years later, I have to admit that nothing has much changed. Now maybe it is because I am in a region of the States reputed for superficiality (southern California’s Orange County)…I am trying hard not to sound cynical, here. I have eventually developed some wonderful friendships in the Midwest, still surviving my cross-country relocation today. However, I certainly feel like I do not belong here, as much as I do not belong anymore in France (15 years will apparently do that to you).
And yes, I’ve been “americanized” enough to not hesitate to stop people in the streets anywhere in the world (France, Bosnia, Croatia, Spain, or US) for a question or a comment (usually to the astonishment of my very French parents). But I still do not smile that easily to strangers on or off-campus.
This reminds me about something I read years ago. I can’t remember the source exactly but it might have been one Finnish researcher who has studied cross-cultural issues.
Anyway, she had one explanation for the differences between, e.g., American and Finnish people in this kind of situations. She argued that meeting unknown people is always seen as a potential threat, but in different cultures they have different ways to deal with this threat: American people pretend that they actually know you - and Finnish people pretend that you do not exist.
So Clint, after being in Finland for a while, what do you think are the reasons behind your observations?
Thanks for the question Roman. I think I have already learned a few things about little stuff that I do which doesn’t communicate the same thing here as I am used to assuming they do.
As for why it is different? I like many of the suggestions by comments people have left here. I think there is just a different attitude (not better or worse) toward personal space and public interactions. I think there is also a greater acceptance of silence (even seeking it), less need to talk unless you have something specific to say - and those things might tie in to this issue as well.
I’m curious if you found a difference when you originally came here when compared to the Czech Republic? Do you have any more ideas about why the differences?
Hi Clint!
I’d have a question for you: in your opinion, how well do Finns know the art Networking (face to face? Have you made any personal experiences regarding it?
Thanks and greetings from Helsinki,
Anne.
You know, it depends on which Finn. A few I know are great at it — but maybe that is why I know them, because they met me.
In general though, I think the world loves the Finnish way, or feels safe with it at least, — modest yet hard working. Curious, can be creative, and not full of an ego.